Sunday, September 7, 2008


We had drama in the house tonight ... yup the chair throwing, yelling, kick dustbin type.... no kidding.

The protagonists - me, papa and R.

The issue - a fat little lie. From R.

The issue (really..) - me getting too emotional about the lie.

The reflections... ok, here we go...

It's getting harder and harder to discipline kids these days. You would think when you confront them over a fault (in this case - THE lie), you would get the eyes lowered, a sheepish, frightened look, head bent cowered in fear. But nooooo..... you get the talk back, the 'but thens' and the 'what ifs' !!!

And all this from one not yet even 7.

Sigh... but here's the clincher.... and who's the bigger culprit of the moment - yup, the mother. For getting all emotional and yelling all sorts of (from the husband's point of view) non-constructive gibberish like 'how can you do this"... "i am so disappointed".... "i'm not going to care anymore ..." But get this, who's the one who did the chair throwing and the dustbin kicking ?? Not me.

Naturally, the discussion gravitated away from the content of the moment (the LIE), to the larger issue of how i actually deal with and handle our elder child. The emotional outbursts from R are admittedly likely provoked by mine - but then again i was brought up in a house where only adults are allowed these outbursts, not kids. Yet, we can't quite bring up kids in the same fashion it seems, likely because we consciously give them tools, encourage and motivate their critical ability. So everytime an 'issue' ignites, it seldom becomes one of complete silence with the authoritarian reigning supreme, but a shared power struggle that mostly (because we 2 girls are so inept at making sense when we get all flustered and angry) degrades into an emotional bloodbath that becomes totally blown out of proportion.

Nonetheless, R has graciously accepted her punishment - 2 days of zero allowance and no computer games for the week, and duly warned that a cane would be bought promptly tomorrow (to which she answers her dad "but you have to work tomorrow what ..."), where she would get the taste of 2 smacks for the next time, if ever, and 5 for the subsequent time (yup, she has never been caned before in her life...).

Guess what was more disturbing was why she needed to lie to me in the first place. While i try not to over-read the situation, it does leave me pondering on the gaps in a seemingly fragile mother-daughter relationship, that has to be constantly nurtured. Sigh... what a way to end a relatively nice week together... But guess that's what makes parenthood challenging ya ? sigh....


jazsutra said...

hey lou,how are u now?will call ya.cheer up fren...

Busybugz said...

Sorry to hear you had such a rough time with R. I know, from personal experiences, that we parents often end up feeling so drained, guilty and anguished after we had such a confrontation with our kids. Hope you're not being too hard on yourself. You did what you had to do.

vidz said...

Hey - Its Vidhya here - firstly some really artistic work on your scrapping - lovely. Secondly - this blog so reminds me of my struggles with my 9yr old and his retorts to any reprimanding from me. I once told him that when I was his age I would not meet my mom's eyes when she was upset with me, let alone talk. His response was " Ya but you lived in a time where there probably was no TV'. The insouciance of it and how do we get them to respect us - which we so easily gave to our parents. But good to know others are in the same boat. SIGH!